In this last reading from Chapter 7, our Father Benedict gives both the twelfth step of humility, which has to do with physical demeanor, and the conclusion to what Sr. Joan calls "a strangely wonderful and intriguingly distressing treatise on the process of the spiritual life."
Although this passage addresses outward, physical appearance, it also describes an inward state of being. The inward state is one wherein we live with an acute awareness of the egoic self-interests that lie hidden at the core of our personality. These are our "sins at every moment," which corrupt even the best of our motives and intentions. This state of self-awareness is the top rung of the ladder--this ascent by descent--that Benedict describes in chapter 7. When we reach it, although the false self feels demolished and helpless, we have "presently come to that perfect love of God which casts out fear," our true and eternal home.
Br. Chad
Chad, You've inspired me to buy a copy of the rule. I've been reading along daily for the last 3 weeks or so. AND I LOVE IT! I'm sure that it has a lot to do with my American and Evangelical indoctrination and but I found today's reading somewhat difficult to swallow. I read it to mean in some way that I should continue to wallow in or at least be super connected to my own sinful past. I'm confident that I have not the necessary humility or wisdom to understand the gravity of my own sin for that I will continue to strive. However, I'm still left wondering, how 'balanced' should our forgiveness and the reality of our brokenness be?
ReplyDeleteDan
Dan, thank you for posting this. I'm happy you've picked up a copy of the Rule and have been reading along. I will never forget my first couple times through. I felt utterly lost most of the time, quite honestly.
ReplyDeleteI hear and honor your experience of today's passage sticking in your throat. There is much language in the Rule that can't be glossed over. Some teachings are difficult, and it is an act of faithfulness to push back against them. I share the feelings that have arisen from your reading. Indeed, we should not wallow in past sins. How many lives has such self-hatred destroyed? How many people have been blocked from experiencing God's love because of such beliefs about unworthiness and because of feelings of shame?
The Rule, like any ancient document, operates on several levels, and one liability that comes with our evangelical background is a tendency to focus too much on only one level of meaning. I see this chapter in the Rule to be a treatise on a kind of spiritual transformation that resembles very little Protestant doctrines of soteriology. St. Benedict's vision of transformation is very sophisticated, operating according to a complex inner anthropology that doesn't translate well into contemporary notions of sin and salvation. I encourage you, if you so desire, to investigate Evagrius' and Gregory the Great's lists of deadly sins to see some of the complexity of Benedict's conceptual framework.
This is why I have tried to cast these steps of humility in the light of a somewhat simplified, but robust, spiritual anthropology that speaks in terms of "false selves" and "true selves."
Peace to you, and I hope you keep reading!
Br. Chad